Sunday, January 1, 2012

. . . on 2011 in review

I would like to say that I started a hash tag trend.  Unfortunately, I think it's something that became embedded into our culture from an organic evolution.  It is something people say all the time.  And, when I consider posting this hash tag to Twitter it really makes me ponder the depth and meaning of it.  It makes me look deeper within myself and my life this past year to wonder if I truly mean it...

I'm not gonna lie -- nor even sugar coat it -- this past year has been hard.  I've gone through feelings of being a failure, to not being loved, to being completely forgotten.  Granted some of those feelings had to do with the affects of circumstances outside of my own control.  But, these circumstances made me feel less than human at times.  It weighed me down.  It made me even consider giving up.  [I am not the giving up type of person, if anything, I'm a fighter.]  Every fiber of my being would like to blame 2010 for starting my 2011 off on the wrong foot, but then that would not do justice to God's provision and direction in my life.  You see, I believe that God has been seeing me through these dark troublesome times.  During what seemed to be an endless pursuit of finding out who I truly am I have (*finally*) come to the understanding that His hand has been in every situation -- especially the hard ones -- because He loves me and wants only the best for me.  I can completely say with confidence that, after almost 2 years of feeling this way, I am at a place where I am more healthy, complete, and have become a more rounded individual because of it.  Not to forget the fact that I now may have some sort of understanding and context into seeing a glimpse of God's great love for His children.

My hope is that, while I am filtering and sorting through these thoughts and feelings, I might come to find who I truly am in Christ.  Not just the person of who I want to be, or even who I think other people perceive me as.  But, who I truly am, down to the core of my being.

I don't know about you, but I am so ready for a New Year to begin.  I am ready for being able to live my life again.  I am ready to put Grad School behind me.  I am ready to start feeling like I am progressing in life.  Even though I'm not really sure where my life will be headed even after Grad School, I am clear that I will at least know that with God's help I have conquered several goals in my life thus far.

Plus, I'm also ready to start blogging again.  I really do enjoy blogging and wish I had done it more.

"What is the hash tag?" you ask.  I will only tell you if you promise me that you will use it in every tweet of yours from here on out.... Okay, that might be asking a bit much at this point.  How about, in preparation of submitting a tweet (or status update, for you FBers) ponder within yourself if you truly mean what you are saying, and if you really do love the life you live.

#LML = love my life